Have I stopped praying "big" prayers? Maybe. I suppose it's how one defines "big" or "small" prayers, and I should probably talk through this with my Christian therapist, pray through it with the Lord, and journal through it in the stillness of the night. In the meantime, though, I want to tell you about the "small" prayers.
There's something so personal in the way the Lord uses "small" prayers to remind me of his ever watchful eye and loving kindness. His attention to the "small" things speaks so loudly and tenderly to my hurting heart. 
For many months I have held on to something Abigail used to love doing with all of us. I was willing to part with it, but despite multiple inquiries and opportunities along the way something always hindered the final giveaway. This last week a mama I do not know reached out to me about this item, and it was time to let it go. I had determined I would freely give it away, but I wanted them to know of our little girl. Hence, I taped a letter about our Abigail and the God with whom she now resides on the inside for them to find without expecting any kind of response.
What I did not do was tell her of my simple (perhaps silly to some) prayer: "Lord, please let this be a blessing to the ones who receive it." Please understand, this was a small item in the grand scheme of things, yet there was a desperate longing for it to be a blessing to another family in the making of precious memories. Perhaps the reason is because Abigail enjoyed it so, yet for not nearly long enough. There were so many planned, but unmade memories surrounding this thing.
When the time came, it was a quick handoff, and I cried as I drove away. It was as if another connection to my little girl was severed, a piece of her gone. This mama had a two-year-old who would be enjoying this from now on. After arriving home with puffy eyes, those same eyes read a precious message from this mama. She didn't know of my "little" prayer, but she had read of my little girl in the letter I left her. She wrote such kind words. Among them she specifically mentioned what a blessing this was to her family during a year of difficult circumstances of their own.
The Lord heard my "small" prayer and answered in a very "big" way. By "big" I mean specific, personalized. He (nor she) had to do this. I didn't ask to KNOW about the way in which something so small would be a blessing to someone, just that it would be. This mama could have let the awkwardness or discomfort of grief keep her silent, and no one would have blamed her for it. But she didn't. God used her to encourage my heart that day, to remind me he sees and hears even the "smallest" of prayers.
This has been the Lord's modus operandi this past year. It would be very easy for me to focus on the one VERY LARGE prayer that was not answered the way I wanted it to be on February 25, 2024. Yet over and over again He has proven his hesed, his loving kindness and attention by answering "small" prayers so specifically, so personally. I will continue to pour out those "small" prayers day after day to the ONE I know hears and cares. Recording these are the Ebenezers of my God's tender care.
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