"He told the crowd to sit down on the ground. Then he took the seven loaves and the fish, and when he had given thanks, he broke them and gave them to the disciples, and they in turn to the people. They all ate and were satisfied. Afterward the disciples picked up seven basketfuls of broken pieces that were left over." Matthew 15:35-37
More broken pieces.
Sometimes evidence of Christ's work in our lives is seen in the broken pieces. How apt so many parents use the word "shattered" to describe their hearts in the wake of their child's death. I've used this word often, feeling shatter-hearted is much more appropriate than brokenhearted.
On March 12, 2024, I penned the following words in my journal.
Shattered
A million pieces
Scattered
Slivers, sharp and painful
Beyond broken
Broken is too gentle
Shattered
Beyond what I can gather
Lest they cut and bleed-even more
Shattered
Some to dust
Beyond repair
Swept from this world
Tempted despair
All shy away
The pain, the awkwardness
Too great
Seemingly hopeless
Shattered
Scattered
Tears mixed with dust
I glimpse a scar
Gentle hands
Reaching for the shattered
Gently held
Piece upon microscopic piece
Gathered
In a time unknown to me
With paste of dust and tears
The shattered takes shape
Breath by breath
The parts of me too weak
Too shattered
Filled
Covered
The Master sees
The Potter holds
Gentle hands
Bearing scars
Holding hope for the shattered
Once shaped the scars remain
As do the hands
Never as before
Evidence of pain
Shattering pain
Yet also display
The Healer
The Hope
For the shattered
For the scattered
Here’s my dust
My slivers
Surrendered
The very presence of these shattered pieces of our hearts testify we did not get the miracle for which we prayed. Yet, these broken, leftover, shattered pieces of our hearts are not left scattered. We bring them before our Lord in our baskets weaved with faith, hope, love, and lament.
These broken pieces are evidence.
In verse 36 Jesus gave thanks for what God was about to do-the provisions he was supplying by the hands of Jesus, as well as God's faithfulness when there doesn't seem to be enough. This prayer of thanks was offered as the people were weary- while sitting at the feet of Jesus for three straight days. One can be weary even while sitting at the feet of Jesus; I know this to be true from the Word and from my life. Jesus, in his power, could have spoken into being all the crowd needed for nourishment (and on day one at that!), but instead he used the wait, the hunger, and the meager provisions someone laid before him in an offering of hope and expectancy.
Just as a seed must die before sprouting new life, a breaking had to occur before the multiplication. Indeed, the very hands of God did the breaking as we see in verse 35. By believing and trusting his sovereignty I am assured he can withstand the ultimate responsibility of choosing to act in one way and not another.
I can also be assured my shattered broken pieces are not wasted. He is in the business of binding up the broken and shattered. These broken pieces, in a way I never would have wanted, are evidence of God's goodness, blessing, presence, and compassion.
"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." Psalm 27:13-14
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