Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers." (Luke 22:31-32)
These verses are not new to me, but prior to this month I could not have told you the scriptural reference. Admittedly, one reason I am so familiar with this passage if because of the profound meaning it has held for a precious fellow grieving mother- a "kindred spirit" of sorts.* Up to this point these words were meaningful to me inasmuch as they were significant in the Lord's workings in her grief. I had not meditated upon or applied them in my own grief journey. They were a part of her story, not mine. Not yet anyway. I wasn't expecting to "happen upon" them, and of all the times to do so it was the day prior to visiting with my new friend.
As I sat there weighted with a sense of heaviness over this chapter I wondered, "why Simon Peter?" Why did he alone garner Satan's attention in this moment? Was this a New Testament Job scenario? Did Satan feel threatened by how God was using Simon Peter? Satan isn't omniscient so he really didn't have a full understanding of Peter's kingdom purpose at this point, did he?
But he replied, Lord, I am ready to go with you to prison and to death." Jesus answered, "I tell you, Peter, before the rooster crows today, you will deny three times that you know me." [...] (Luke 22:33-34)
Just as he (Peter) was speaking, the rooster crowed. The Lord turned and looked straight at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word the Lord had spoken to him: "Before the rooster crows today, you will disown me three times." And he went outside, and he wept. (Luke 22:61-62)
Just as I'm tempted to ask, "why me?", I also ask "why Peter?". Arguably, I have much more of the after-story for Peter and none for me. Therefore, it's easier for me to accept the "why" for Peter. Yet, I'm reminded, "Peter didn't have all his after-story." When he heard the rooster crow, I can't help but wonder if to Peter the crowing sounded like Satan's mocking laugh. Did it ring in his ear the same as death's mocking rings in mine? Peter couldn't see the "why"-he alone is broken and brought to bitter weeping. This seems to me a defining moment in Peter's faith and the genesis of his ministry and kingdom purpose.
Looking back at verse 31- Satan asked. He always has to ask. Did he ask about me? The Lord apparently said "yes" when he asked about Peter, and He said "yes" when asked about us. He had to have done so or else it wouldn't be. And I sat outside, not unlike Peter, weeping bitterly at this realization. I cannot see, nor imagine, the full kingdom purpose in this. He asked to sift us like wheat, and my God consented. "Why?" I ask, not with bitterness or criticism, but with hopeful expectation He will use this in a mighty way and perhaps impart to me glimpses along the way. He redeemed Peter's brokenness and pain in mighty ways. The chaff flew off as he was sifted like wheat.
But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back... (v 32)
After being asked to allow Peter's sifting, the Lord didn't walk away or simply stand back to watch. Jesus knew Peter's sifting was coming and thus prayed specifically for him, for his faith- that it may not fail. Naturally then I wonder, did he pray for me as well? Did he intercede for my husband, my children? Did he pray for our faith by name? Just as this was a defining moment in Peter's faith, I sense it is in ours as well. Peter's faith must have "faltered" in some way for there to be a "turning back".
Falter and fail. These are two very different results. As the rooster's crow carried the echoes of Satan's mocking laugh, was Jesus again praying for Peter in that moment? When death's mocking rang in my soul as we "lost" our Abigail, was he interceding for us again in that very moment? It seems important faith was Jesus' prayer priority instead of comfort, peace, or hope. Perhaps these are found within faith or lost when faith fails. Fails. Not falters.
When I think what it means to falter, I picture a hand reaching out to steady. I remember the hand that plunged into the waves grasping a faltering Peter. A falter of faith is not a failure of faith.
And when you have turned back... (v 32)
Jesus knew how Peter's story played out. I'm confident he knows ours as well. He knows the "when" of our story. What is most frightening to me is I cannot see the "when" of my children's sifting story. But I am reminded a falter in their faith is not a failing of their faith. So, I pray. "Lord, may there be a 'when' to their sifting story and may I entrust that to you. May your hand grasp them tightly to yourself if and when they falter."
Peter was given a small glimpse beforehand of a purpose in the sifting: to strengthen others. He had no idea of the full magnitude in how this sifting would be used by God, but he was given this one instruction, one purpose ahead of time. He was to use it to strengthen and encourage "brothers" in the faith. "Don't waste it, Peter. Don't waste the sifting." I too cannot see the full magnitude of how our sifting will be used. I can hope. I can imagine, but I cannot yet see. From the first moments of our horrible grief, our sifting, my prayer has been, "don't waste it; not one tear nor one ounce of heartbreak." I imagine my Savior's reply would somewhat echo my request, something to the effect of "don't waste the sifting, Heather. Encourage your brothers and sisters. "
The sifting continues. We are still being shaken. Chaff is still flying off. I don't like it, this sifting. It's not comfortable. It hurts more than anything I have ever experienced. Part of me feels as though we've somewhat romanticized the sifting from the pew; or at minimum we've attempted to soften this harsh process. At least until we are the ones being sifted, and then we are reminded how it started with the request of the enemy who cares nothing at all for us, who is actually eagerly awaiting the failure of our faith. Yet, the One who ultimately gives permission is the One who loves us more than anything we can imagine. He has not abandoned us in the sifting. I don't understand it. Just as Peter could not see the final outcome as he sat there weeping bitter tears, nor can I. One day I will have the after-story. Until then what I am learning is this:
There is:
SOLITUDE in the sifting.
SORROW in the sifting.
SOVEREIGNTY in the sifting.
and there is SANCTITY in the sifting.
Sifted, by Karen Harmening
Comments
Post a Comment