July marked sixteen years we have been married, and even with our current sorrow I call them sixteen wonderful years. This year, in the midst of our sorrow, this day snuck up on me. The morning of our anniversary I prayed how to best show my husband love and how to best acknowledge gratitude for the Lord's work in our marriage. I felt compelled to write my daughter a letter. It may seem strange, but bear with me. We have lost a child, but we still have three beautiful children God has continued to entrust us with. I pray over their future marriages so very often.
My Dearest Daughter,
Today Daddy and I celebrate sixteen years of being married, and I feel compelled to write you this letter. It's been the hardest of years- these past four and a half months, but my prayers for you continue. Many of those prayers are regarding your future marriage if that's God's plan for your life. Yet, this letter may be more of challenge to you, dear girl.
You're young now, but whenever thoughts of your future regarding love and marriage begin to sweep your heart surrender them to the Lord. He truly knows what is best for you. I want his best for you. When a young man seeks your attention and affection? Seek God's attention and opinion, for ultimately I pray your heart belongs to him foremost. He is the only one who can fulfill your heart's deepest needs and cries. He is also the one who created the beauty of marriage.
Marry a man whose faith is solid and strong: strong enough to weather the vilest of storms and lead you through them. Marry a man that should you be called to steward the most painful of griefs will be burdened to love and lead his family as the Lord directs. He doesn't need to have all the answers- for some of life's greatest hardships do not come with foreknowledge or a manual. Does he knows to whom to go for answers? Marry a man who when "sorrows and sea billows roll" will hold you through the storm.
Marry a man- perhaps that's the key, A MAN and not a boy- who after sixteen years of marriage and the worst days of your lives you can say, "thank you God for bringing us together." Marry a man who's not afraid to admit there are unchartered, painful territories which may call for wise counsel from others. Marry a man who's not afraid to say, "God, help me. I don't know what I'm doing." Marry a man that should you be called upon to bury a piece of your heart will stand beside you, hold you, and lift his heart to the Lord in humble submission and praise.
Marry a man you can trust with the most vulnerable and tender parts of you. I'm not saying it will be easy, but marry a man who promises to fight for you and your marriage through the fiercest of storms. Marry a man who brings security to your heart and life. Marry a man who's heart is secure and committed to the Lord first; a man who would rather do the right thing than be popular with other men.
Marry a man willing to do the hard things-even if it finds him on his knees crying to Lord in pain. Marry a man who though he may not weep often is not afraid to do so when heartache calls your names. Marry a man who isn't afraid of suffering and is quick to recognize the Lord's blessings. Marry a man whose ultimate hope is not in this world, but in Heaven.
Marry a man who will hold you tenderly in sorrow and passionately no matter what the years hold. Marry a man who will embarrass your children with kitchen kisses, lake water hugs, and dances in front of the Christmas tree. Marry a man you can proudly call husband and whom you can envision truly fathering your children. Marry a man patient, steady, and strong in the Lord. Marry a man of which you can one day say to your daughter, "if you marry a man like Daddy you will be blessed." That's not to say you will marry a man like Daddy in regards to temperament, personality, looks, or interests. But you can marry a man of faith, character, and integrity- like your Daddy.
And daughter? Be a woman such man can marry; faithfully trusting God has brought you together "for such a time as this".
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