"Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and known my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."
Psalm 139:23-24
The vulnerability and submission of this prayer has always intrigued me, inspired me, and even intimidated me. Can I submit to the direction this prayer may lead? Will I?
We know from earlier verses He already knows our hearts more deeply than we know ourselves. But there's a vulnerability here in the acknowledgement of such and the surrendering to the probing discomfort of exposure. I want to grow in godliness but am I willing to confront the ungodliness of my character?
Will I allow Him to probe, to examine, to test me in my OBEDIENCE?
Am I willing to have Him expose my anxious thoughts? - Really, that's just a gentle way of stating the revelation of my DISTRUST?
Will I allow Him to lay open any offensive way in me, hence exposing my PRIDE? The word used here for offensive could also mean pain or toil. Other interpretations of "way" are conduct, route, or path.
Am I painfully toiling in or towards a direction, route, or course in opposition to Him? His plans? His purpose? If so, I need re-direction and some major course correction! I need Him to lead me in HIS way. In my pride am I bound and determined to do things my way? Behave how I deem appropriate? Pursue my preferences?
Am I, are we, willing to say, "Come Lord Jesus! Search me! You know us already, so bring all caution lights, flagmen, and detour signs needed to get us on your route, your way, your purpose! Do all the searching, probing, and revealing necessary- no matter the discomfort- because where that leads and what that accomplishes is where and who we want to be."
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