"Sometimes I feel I Don't Need God"

 One of my boys recently pulled me aside to "talk in private" about something he was afraid to say aloud. I assured him I loved him no matter what he had to say. With downcast eyes and just above a whisper he said, "mommy, sometimes I feel I don't need God." 

Okaaaay. 

Pause.

Definitely not where I expected this conversation to go, but I prayed God would give me the words his six year old heart could understand. 

Let me preface by saying my children are in no way these "super spiritual" little beings, but God uses them to teach me such truth! 

Just this past Sunday, for instance, said son decides to practice his phonics during worship service by writing 'poop' all over his church bulletin before elbowing his brother to get out of "his space". Said brother proceeds to quietly expel a malodorous mixture of methane and hydrogen sulfide. TWICE. (To the people sitting nearby: I can only offer my sincerest apologies.) My eyes watered. I gagged. He giggled. 

Anyway: back to the point. "Sometimes I feel I don't need God." My six year old son had just put into words what many adults LIVE, whether consciously or not. 

The limited perception of our human condition makes it so difficult for us to see, admit, and understand our own depravity. Until we recognize our wretched and depraved brokenness we see no need for a Rescuer. 

Our world, our culture doesn't appreciate or care to acknowledge the sinful nature of man. We go about proclaiming our "own truths" or "no truth" all while selfishly seeking to meet our own needs and desires with whatever makes us happy. If down, we attempt to pull ourselves up (by the bootstraps?) refusing any hint of vulnerability or responsibility. We are oh so broken with a gaping and hungry hole WE stuff with everything WE can imagine because "WE don't NEED anyone!". And while we're never truly satisfied we have interludes of satiety where we proclaim, whether in word or deed, "I don't need God". 

Even after becoming Christ Followers we often continue to struggle with this: vacillating between a deep humility and keen awareness of our daily dependence upon the Lord in all our comings and goings to weeks without a moment in sincere prayer or quiet reflection upon His work or will. Haven't you been there, sister? I have. 

My six year old was frightened to say what was on his mind. But really? He displayed a courage, introspection, and frank honesty so many of us lack as adults. 

Our conversation proceeded with assuring him even grown ups felt this way sometimes, whether they recognize it or not. I reminded him sometimes our feelings lie and what's important is recognizing those moments and allowing TRUTH to bathe our hearts and minds. Because no matter how we feel, whether we're six or sixty, we do need God. 

What's really amazing is that He so graciously meets us where we are, yet with no intention of leaving us there.