"You misunderheard me!
Yes, you read that right.
This is a common word or phrase in our home. Somewhere along the way of adding to their vocabulary my children misunderstood the word misunderstood. The irony is not lost.
The first time "misunderheard" was spoken by my then five year old I smiled inwardly but refused to correct. It's just so darn cute when kids get words mixed up!
Whether it was compounded by "mommy has a hearing loss and doesn't hear very well" or simply a childhood word jumble... I'm not sure. Although, when I really think about it, their version makes more sense anyway so we just go with it!
I think they're on to something. Generally when wires get crossed, communication breaks down, and frustration ensues is it that we've misunderstood or misunderheard? Were we really listening in the first place? How can we understand if we don't first hear?
I'm not sure about you and your family but around here it's generally not the understanding that's the problem. It's the listening, the hearing. We often "underhear" by failing to really hear or listen to what was being communicated in the first place.
How often as moms, friends, wives, professionals do we find ourselves listening to respond and not to understand? Often enough it makes me uncomfortable to admit if I'm being honest. What if I were to actually use my ears at the ratio they were intended? 2:1- 2 ears: 1 mouth. It's even worse odds when you're a visual person such as myself. 4:1-2 ears + 2 eyes : 1 mouth. (okay. I think it's obvious math isn't my strong suit. Nor is language arts if this paragraph is any indicator!)
What if I listened at least twice a much as I responded in my home? in my relationships? in my work?
I draw the line at the car warranty calls. That's biblical right?
What if I really were "quick to listen and slow to speak" when my children were upset? when a friend is telling me about her day? when my husband shares a concern? Perhaps there would be less misunderhearing and more understanding.
The good news? Misunderstanding denotes a problem with our intellect, our minds, our capabilities. Let's face it. There are some things we will never fully (or even partially) understand. It's called being human. For instance, my husband will never understand the delicacy of a peanut butter, banana, and mayonnaise sandwich. He just won't. (I love him in spite of this. I'm just that kind of a gal!) I on the other hand will never understand any of the frightening mathematical formulas he casually writes out on a daily basis. (He loves me anyway. He's just that kind of a man!)
Misunderhearing? Different ballgame. This is a skill problem. Skills can be honed. Listening is a skill we can address, improve upon, develop. There's hope!
My challenge to myself, by route of three little goobs who may soon be looking for a new language arts teacher, is to really listen. To hear what my children, my husband, my friends and family are saying so I can THEN better understand.
Ya'll, kids are the best teachers! They're brutal, but also unknowingly insightful.
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